What I learnt on my year abroad, semester 1 AKA the season finale

Currently having my weekly Thursday-afternoon-sit-down-to-recover-from-the-huge-lunch-consumed-at-my-school's-restaurant. Last time I promised you a retrospective and insightful post to sum up my time in Austria. I have literally been INUNDATED with requests for this to be published! My inbox has reached it's capacity - I've had to go back to emails I received in 2007 inviting me to come and hang out in West Park on a Saturday afternoon and delete them!

The snowy view from my window (now all melted). Fritzl's house is just round the corner. 

As I have been saying goodbye to all my classes, colleagues and friends (I am choosing to call people friends even though they have not permitted this), people keep asking me if I've enjoyed myself in Austria. They are always very happy when I say yes. My landlady was very proud, she said (unexpectedly) "Well this area is very good for foreigners. Not like Tyrol. In Tyrol if you're not tirolean, you are NOTHING."

I have enjoyed my time here, but I've also found it REALLY HARD. Being a random foreigner under the age of 35 in a small town like Amstetten can be quite isolating. German is not an easy language to understand at the best of times, let alone when it's spoken in dialect. And it gradually became apparent to me that, although on the surface Austria and England are really very similar, actually everything here is different. The differences might be subtle, but they are there and they are so multitudinous that I can't list them all. I often found myself whispering my fancily edited version of a quote I found on the blurb of a book which I chose not to read (my daddio identified it as 'The Go-Between'): "Austria is a different country: they do things differently there." Examples include: tipping for a meal, greeting friends and acquaintances  paying for things in shops, the school system, shop opening hours, attitudes towards foreigners. This all taught me two things. Firstly, I'm a lot more 'British' (or 'English', I guess) than I ever thought (yes, okay Mr. Stereotyper, I DO like to queue. But you know why!? BECAUSE ITS THE FAIREST SYSTEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Secondly, we don't really do things the way we do them in England because it's the best way (except queuing , we just do it that way because that's the way we do it. Same with Austria.

Right, so, let's recap. There were several moments when I had to stop and think "oh my god, my mind is being blown." Here is a list of things which BLEW MY MIND in Austria:

1. The Viennese Opera. I rate this Austrian experience as a 5 star, must see, two-enthusiastic-thumbs-up winner.
   
2. Spar (the supermarket) is called Spar because 'sparen' is German for 'to save'.!!!!!!!!! This is literally my favourite thing ever, I was SO AMAZED!
   
3. When I saw Melk for the first time and realised I would be working in a medieval palace. The other thing about Melk that blew my mind every time I had to go there was the giant mountain I was forced to climb to get to the abbey. And when it snowed, it blew my mind that the local council chose not to grit the path but instead let it form itself into a kind of ice-covered death slide.
   
4. The therma in Loipersdorf. It was just so GREAT! Which was a relief as it was quite a trek to get to.
   
5. Which brings me nicely onto the Viennese Underground. This blew my mind in a BAD way. During my last trip to Vienna, on Sunday, I stormed around the station, swearing under my breath and chanting "I will NEVER come back to this city. I will NEVER come back to THIS CITY!" I love Vienna, it's so beautiful, and I know there are hundreds of underground maps floating around the city, but WHY do they make them so hard to find!?!?!?! In London there are huge tube maps at every corner of ever underground station I've ever been to, as well as about five million leaflet versions dangling from the doorway as you walk in. But I can never find any underground maps at Viennese underground stations! The only place I can find them is ON the actual trains, and by then it is simply far too late to have access to a map! All maps on trains do is suddenly make it shockingly clear to you that you have got on the wrong train. Why did you get on the wrong train? BECAUSE THERE WERE NO MAPS AT THE STATION AHRFHRUSZOA!!!! I rant about this again and again, but the truth is, every time I experience it, it makes me even more frustrated, and one day the anger may well kill me.
   
6. The restaurant at my hospitality school.
   
7. Dirndls and Lederhosen
   
8. The school balls
   
9. And last but not least, CHOCOLATE BANANA CAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chocolate banana cake, I'm going to miss you so much. I just wish I'd met you sooner (I didn't meet you until day 7 of my four month trip). Then we could have spent more time together. I wish I'd appreciated you more while  you were here - I know sometimes I swayed, i couldn't help but be tempted by the delights of Sachertorte and Strudel and Poppyseed cake and those giant cream filled balls (lol), Mohr im Hemd, Pallatschinken and even, on one remarkably regrettable occasion, knodl. But, Chocolate Banana Cake, you always knew I'd come crawling back to you. Some things come and go, but my love for you is never ending. I love you, Chocoalte Banana Cake. Don't forget me.

After hitting a rock bottom -15 degrees this weekend, it is positively spring-like outside and about +7!!! I've got the window open and the sky is a BEAUTIFUL blue colour - the weather is so mild it's almost British! Symbolically, the snow has now all melted away (to my delight!) and I shall be flying home in under two days! This is my last Austrian post, so thanks to everyone for reading and I sincerely hope to keep ALL my fans updated once I'm in Cuba. Although I am sad to leave, I do feel very proud of myself for getting to the end of the semesteer, so here is a celebratory song to reflect  my mood. 

"You a bad girl and your friend's bad too!"

xx

WHEN IN ROME....!!!

NB: I start this with a rant. I was going to delete it, because it's politically-charged, but then
I thought, maybe the political editor of the guardian or the daily mail or something will see it and hire me!!!!!!! :P

I knew this weekend was gonna be fab, as to start it off the charity my mother works for chose to retweet a politically-charged comment I made in response to David Cameron's enlightened and really GREAT idea to do a referendum on the EU. In school, some teachers asked me what I thought about it, but I was genuinely unable to answer. I had to take a break from the lesson and go and roll around in the snow to stop my BLOOD FROM BOILING. This isn't due to my emblazoned passion for the EU (even though I do love unions) but just because David Cameron is a wiggly little worm and it distressed me. In a vain attempt to express themselves in English, an Austrian friend eloquently described him as 'like a woman'. Obviously I was EXTREMELY indignant at that, I don't think anything so offensive has ever been said about womankind.

ANYWAY!!!!!!!! So this was my LAST WEEKEND in Austria! *crying face!!!* A friend's blog described leaving their first semester as 'bittersweet', and i think that is a perfect description. It's so sweet to know I'm escaping this crazy, crazy country, but then I will sincerely miss the cake, the schnitzel  the people and the teaching (maybe). I'm planning an inspirational, emotional and very serious retrospective piece about the whole experience, however progress is going kinda slowly on that one, so instead I thought I'd enrapture you with my weekend.

So this weekend I visited some of my friends (!!!!) in Burgenland! I've heard SO MUCH about Burgenland - an area of Austria known locally as "the arse of the world" - that when I passed the sign saying "welcome to Burgenland!" my stomach did a genuine flip of excitement! We went to a school ball on Saturday. As this was my fifth ball of the season, I've now seen it all. Children doing Gangham Style, children pretending to be chefs and setting things on fire, children stripping(!!!!). Should clarify that they're all over 16.

Anyway, we all felt a bit WORSE FOR WEAR on Sunday but we didn't mind because we were going to the SPAA!!! Loipersdorf is a natural spa and it is also INCREDIBLE! There were swimming pools indoors and outdoors, big slides, little caves and waterfalls, saunas, ice pools, whirlpools, sun beds, massages, a TV room (!), basically EVERYTHING you could ever want. It was soooo great! The best bit was swimming out into the open air pool, where we were surrounded by snow but the water was still really warm. This meant there was loads of steam rising from the water, which made visibility difficult...but NOT so difficult that we didn't witness several romantic couples getting a little bit TOO friendly for my liking.

I thought the canoodling youngsters in the steamy pool would be the most graphic the day would get, but I was very mistaken. Naturally we wanted to get out money's worth and try out EVERYTHING so after the slides were shut we scampered to the sauna, which (because it's Austria) has a nudity policy. At first we thought this might be optional but it soon became apparent that keeping on your swimwear was FROWNED UPON, so seeing as we are liberal, adventurous individuals who love to try new things and blend in with the locals, we had to drop the towels. I'll be honest, I think I found my secret nudist in that sauna, because I felt to liberated and free! And sweaty. But mostly freee!!! I saw more naked bodies in that one hour period than I have seen in my entire life. So many naked old men!!!! We went to a sauna indoors and outdoors and then we jumped in to this tiny little NON-HEATED pool outside (let me remind you at this point that the warmest it got in Vienna this weekend was -6 and the coldest was -15). I did NOT enjoy the icy pool; everything was cold. There was cold water ALL OVER MY BODY. But overall it was just fab, and a great experience and a brilliant way to bond!!!!!!!!!!! :P

The spa was very relaxing. In fact, we were so relaxed, we nearly missed the bus home. This would have been disasterous, as there was only one bus that went to Vienna. However, thankfully we made it and about five hours later I made it safely home, after a predictable ridiculously confusing journey through Vienna's absurdly unclear underground system. I truly cannot repeat what I was muttering as I stomped through the stations, but it was mainly focused on the complete lack of maps there. On the train I also risked being frisked as a load of police got on and started checking people I.D.'s. Thankfully they did not check mine.

Well it's now 9pm, so time for bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lots of love xxx

SNOW, POLITICS AND A MAP!

Facebook has been awash with claims that Wolverhampton has had two feet of snow, but personally, I don’t believe it. However, yesterday morning, in a class of final years, I loaded my old school’s homepage in attempt to raise a small amount of interest in the theme of ‘education’. To my bewilderment, emblazoned in huge, red, flashing letters across the top of the page were the words “WOLVERHAMPTON GIRLS HIGH SCHOOL: SCHOOL CLOSED DUE TO SEVERE WEATHER CONDITIONS”. I stared, mouth agape, speechless in a way that really doesn't reflect my personality. Wolverhampton Girls’ High School is having a snow day, and yet here, where I am forced to fight through one and a half feet of snow to get out of my front garden, then must practically sledge to school on a pavement covered in black ice, school continues. Fmlll. My students asked why the school was shut, so I explained it was because of "health and safety". They looked at me blankly. They're never heard of "health and safety" before. It is another world here!

Despite the snow, my week started with a bang! I discovered to my absolute delight that Amstetten has it's own "Spotted: Amstetten" page, where Amstetten residents can post anonymous messages to the objects of their desire. So far I haven't read one that seems to refer to me, but I imagine it's only a matter of time. LINK: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Spotted-Amstetten/316587198458632

This weekend was the annual Amstetten Grammar School ball. Being now locally renowned as a professional musician, the teachers begged and pleaded with me to perform on the night! I think they thought I would be able to add that touch of class to proceedings which it had been missing. So I played with the orchestra at the beginning of the night, and was paid with free entry and 10 euro voucher to spend in the restaurant! Naturally I spent it on as much food as I could afford.

The night continued into one of those drunken messes, which you need the whole of the following day to really come to terms with. At about 5.30pm on Sunday evening I remembered that at the bar we went to after the ball, they decided to play “Shake That” by Eminem. Anybody who knows me well will know how I reacted. If you don’t know how I reacted, I am going to leave it to your imagination, but I will tell you that I surprised AND delighted my fellow party-goers.

NOW FOR SOME POLITICS!!!!!!!!!!!
I know my regular readers have been literally dying to here my opinions on the Austrian political system. Well, wait no longer! This weekend has provided me with ample material to address this issue. Unfortunately I still find it a tad challenging to understand Austrian newspapers, so I've got my info from the BBC, but LETS NOT DIGRESS>>>>>>>>>
On Sunday the country had a referendum about military service. Being a woman on the ground, this is what I've gleaned about the whole thing. Austria is a neutral country and isn't part of NATO, but Austrian young men are conscripted to the military for 6 months once they leave school, and if they don't WANT to do that then they do 9 months community service. Community services means driving ambulances. Apparently other jobs are also available, but I haven't met ANYONE who does community service and DOESN'T drive ambulances. The girls don't have to do it which, if I were a boy, would kinda piss me off, but nobody seems that bothered. In fact none of my students seemed that bothered about the referendum at all, but anyway, they had a big old referendum on whether they should get rid of conscription and form a new, 'professional' army.  Needless to say the public voted in favour of conscription, though apparently the Chancellor was hoping for another result. The paper said that Vienna was the only place which voted for a change. This didn't surprise ME because IMHO Austria is quite a conservative little country - a statement I am basing mainly, but not completely, on the fact the shops don't open on Sundays. Also apparently doing it this way is a lot cheaper for Austria than making a big new army with pros. Sarah, I hear you cry, what is your opinion on all this conscripting? Well, I shall give my opinion, as always, succinctly: it's CRACKERS!

Well, that is quite enough ill-informed political debate for one day.
My flight to Cuba leaves in 16 days. Can you believe it!? Me neither! I typed my journey into Google Maps to give you a idea of the distance I'm travelling. Here is a screen shot of the results:

It's weird, because Pi definitely went across the Pacific Ocean? Google maps must have got a bit confused when it read the book!!! Two newsworthy items seem to have happened in Cuba this week. Firstly, the internet connection has apparently improved. Secondly, there's been an outbreak of Cholera in Havana. I don't really know what Cholera is, so I'm not too worried, though every time I've mentioned it to an Austria they've looked pretty horrified, so I assume it's NOT GREAT! So we all have to be even more careful than we usually are.

Well I hope you're all very well! Thanks for the positive feedback on my last post :o)  if you want to you can subscribe to my blog and then you get emailed when I post new things. Alternatively if you have a Google Account you can 'join this site' and become a 'member' of my blog!!!!!!!! At the moment I have two members!! (One of them is myself.)
luvya xxxx

trains, brains and CARD GAMES!

Last night, I stole my parents car to pick up an old school friend from town, but because Austrian cars are the opposite way round, I got really confused with the pedals and accidentally crashed it into a sports car with two newlyweds and their four children. I was really worrying about how to go about telling my parents, and how I'd afford to pay for this smashed up car, but then I noticed that the newlyweds were both giant bears, and realised I was dreaming. Man, was I relieved!!

I only have three weeks left in Amstetten, so I have decided to make the most of my time here. This week I dedicated my free time to succesfully completing a game of four suit spider solitaire. Despite initial difficulties (26 games lost), after googling "How to win four suit spider solitaire" I have become a bit of a 'pro'. So far I have won three games, with a current win percentage of 9%. As you can see from the screenshot below, I like to make patterns with the suits as I go. This is the first pattern I managed to get it black, red, black, red. In my HUMBLE opinion, if you don't get a pattern with your suits then YOU HAVE WON NOTHING.

Going back to school was really rubbish because now school starts at 7.25am. Due to what I describe as "severe jet lag", on Monday morning it felt like 6.25am which is QUITE ungodly. Today I was back at Melk. I woke up this morning to a beautifully white Amstetten. Before Christmas, when it snowed, Amstetten's local authority where pretty snappy about laying out grit. In fact, they put out grit so early that I used the grit van, driving past my window, as an alarm clock. By the time I left the house the roads where SAFE and GREY. However, this morning they decided to let the beautiful white snow be, and even though I wasn't in school until 9.50, I walked (slowly and carefuuly) to the train station through snow so white it was like I was walking through clouds in heaven. Everyone had to take their time to avoid accidents, even the motorists drove their cars slowly and carefully (which caused them to be QUITE MURDEROUSLY quiet!)

Here's a myth-busting fact: one day someone may tell you that Austrian trains are very reliable and always run on time. I implore you to quickly correct them and say "I must disagree. In Austria, when it is winter, and it snows, the trains will always run late. UNLESS: I REPEAT UNLESSSS: you yourself are running late. Then - and only THEN!!!!!!!!! - will they leave early!" Now, if the POOR BUGGER with the FALSE FACT has any sense about them, he may well reply, "but it snows every year in Austria, so surely the train companies know how to deal with snow." If anyone says that to you, raise your eyebrows significantly and give one, solemn nod. AUSTRIAN TRAINS ARE LIKE BRITISH TRAINS!!!!!!!!!!!! Except you  get to ride through the little mountains and forests all covered in snow and looking like Narnia!!!

What with all the solitaire-playing, I haven't achieved much else this week, though I did manage to squeeze in one social engagement. On Friday, the other assistant and I went to the Italian ball. As with most social events I go to in Amstetten, we were the youngest patrons by at LEAST 20 years, if not 30. The Italian Ball had an Italian Theme, with Italian food and Italian wine. There was a tombola where everyone won a prize! We won a sausage!

ONE LAST THING: on the way back from Power Plate today I had a bit of an 'existential crisis', where I really thought about the fact that my name is SARAH, and that when people think about ME you probably think "Sarah"! or sometimes when you think "Sarah" you think about ME, but when I think about me I never think 'Sarah'. But if someone says "Sarah!" sometimes I'll turn around quickly and see if they want me. And everyone here calls me Sara, and at first I thought this was cool and European, and now I'm like, well it's wrong. And even uglier than Sarah. So as I sign off, I advise that if you haven't recently, maybe it's time for YOU to really think about how YOUR name is your name!!!!
so, toodleoo,
kisses from the missus
xoxo

NEW YEAR: NEW ME!

NB: Some people have complained that my sentences are too long so they get lost in the middle of them, can't remember the beginning and don't have a clue what's going on. I appreciate this constructive criticism. Today i'm experimenting with 'asterisks'.

NEWS OF THE WORLD! NEWS OF THE WORLD! Sarah "you are actually really normal"* Collings is back where she belongs (i.e. where the Schnitzels are!). (*This goes out to all the haters, and is a DIRECT QUOTE from a genuine Austria resident.) After a predictably complicated journey, I'm happy to say I am back in my Austrian bed, just chilling with the heating on. Yes, I know it's three pm, but I had a long day yesterday, OKAY MUM!?!?

I had the best New Year's and Christmas ever. Being home with the family was just WUNDERBAR! Especially after three months of 'intense loneliness and isolation' [University of Manchester, 2011]. I saw lots of friends, gave a few autographs* out to some of my fans (*aka Christmas cards), drank Strongbow, ate curry etcetc all the classic Christmas things. I also turned into a 21 year old young lady, I had a little partyyy and it was the best New Year's Eve I've ever had, so thanks for everyone who came, and especially to my mummy who refrained from getting too drunk too soon so she could drive me into town. She drove so fast over the speed bumps around West Park, my stomach churns just thinking about it.

I left three hours to get to Birmingham International in order to fly back to Linz, which was more time than I left to get to Stanstead last year, and allowed me enough time to have my third, and final, Whetherspoons meal of the festive season. My plane back to Austria was scheduled quite late in the evening. This caused a bit of a kerfuffle as it meant there were no more trains out of Linz, and therefore no possible way to get home. Additionally, due to the complete logistical incompetence of Lufthansa, my luggage was delayed in Frankfurt (my suitcase has spent more time in Frankfurt than my entire family has in our lifetimes). This meant I had NO CLOTHES and NO PLACE TO SLEEP! I suddenly totally understood how that guy felt when he sang "I was cold, I was naked, were you there? Were you there?..........When I needed a shelter, WERE YOU THERE?"  I assume this man either is Jesus, or is talking to Jesus, and, either way, Jesus himself appeared before me in the form of two friendly Austrian ladies at the airport. One gave me a free toiletries bag!!! I'm talking about toothbrushes, toothpaste, hairbrush, cotton buds, deodorant  even a free T-shirt!  Basically all this stuff that I now no longer need to buy myself for about ten days! The other lady booked me a taxi and a hostel room.

Peter, the taxi driver, made me sit in the front seat. He was a small ferrety man who was BEYOND camp. He couldn't believe I'd missed all the trains. He kept saying "that amazes me. That is incredible." He was very interested to find out I was English. He told me he had only been  a taxi driver for ten years.

"What did you do before?" I asked, politely.

"I used to drive post buses. And before that I did [random German word] ...."
I didn't understand what his previous job was, so asked him again. He turned away from the road and grinned at me.

"DRUGS!" he declared, in English. This spooked me a bit, but the taxi was only costing 5 euros so I decided to stay chilled.

The hostel gave me the heebiejeebies*, so I listened to my generic mp3 player until I nodded off. (*Spell check thinks I meant to write cheeseboards! But I meant heebiejeebies so i just clicked 'ignore') In the morning I got free tea, coffee, fruit and cold meats! All included in the price! Additionally I discovered the the whole city of Linz is provided with a free WiFi connection, provided by the council. How great is that!?

I shall leave you with two positive, new year's thoughts. Firstly, it turns out my German is considerably better than I remembered it to be! I still don't know my adjectival endings, or the genders of any words apart from 'door', 'train' and 'house', but me and Peter had a right old chinwag (until he started talking about drugs). Secondly, in-depth facebook stalking has taught me one thing. The only difference between people who are  living the dream and normal people like us, is that people who are living the dream are enjoying themselves. So if you can force yourself to enjoy yourself, you're also living the dream!!!! This is what I tried to tell myself as I lay, petrified, on my creaky hostel bed last night, where I could hear a group of youths laughing and drinking EVEN THOUGH THE RECEPTIONIST had told me that I was the only person there!!!! WHERE DID THAT LAUGHTER COME FROM!?!?! WHO WAS LAUGHING!?!?!!? #scary "You're enjoying yourself", I told myself. "You are living the dream." Of course, I didn't say it out loud in case they heard me and came and killed me.

seeing as there are no pictures, here is my favourite song of 2012! HAPPY NEW YEAR

byeeee! xxoxoxo